Crappy Rappers

Let's not be mistaken; Hot 97 died a long time ago.  Long before "The Finisher" (Mutley laugh) Mister Cee got busted for soliciting gentlemen of the evening, long before the Funkflex Hulk Hogan rant, Hot 97 was a zombie shell of itself. Monday morning's Black People Twitter fodder was just the proverbial head shot. Pun intended.

As we all know, Mister Cee was hooked and booked in Brooklyn last Friday for chasing booty (also known as a man's butt).  Due to the Floyd Mayweather fight, Cinco de Mayo, and whatever else Black People Twitter cares about on weekends, this went, for the most part, unnoticed.  Cee seemed like he was getting off easy (||).  Sure, he would be Donkey of the Day on Power 105.1's overrated morning show The Breakfast Club come Monday, but that's nothing new.  He would, once again, live to do another throwback mix at noon.

Except he wouldn't.

For some reason, one of Mister Cee's handlers thought it would be a good idea for the DJ to go on Hot 97's pretty awful morning show The _______ show (I actually have no idea what they call it, tbh), and do a half-hour long interview about why he likes having sex with male (?) prostitutes.  What ensued was a shit show, filled with some guy named "EBro" prying at Mister Cee's sexuality, Mister Cee using unintentional pause-worthy phrases, some random woman talking, and Brooklyn tranny prostitute hot spots.  Yes, it was as bad as it sounds.

Under the guise of an intervention, it was painfully obvious that "Ebro", who is the program director for Hot 97 (lol), was gunning for a Jason Collins type confession from Mister Cee.  Ebro kept calling him "fam" and "my g" (does this look like a guy who really talks like that?) whilst setting up Cee for the "come on, just say you're gay and bring us ratings" field goal kick, only for Cee to miss the ball over and over again.  Cringe worthy.

Black People Twitter, perhaps unexpectedly since it was so early in the morning, erupted.  Never one to miss out on a troll mission, Twitter intellectual* dream hampton decided to throw in her 140 characters.  "hey hetero ladies," dream wrote in her trademarked lower case letters, "many of your boos have engaged in same sex sex acts.  get over it.  grow up."  Boos?  Same sex sex acts?  Huh?

Now, I'm no hip-hop genius like Phonte from Little Brother (just kidding), but the same dream hampton who has been pounding the twitter streets (fingers must be sore from the arduous task) demanding justice for Rick Ross's rape-rape lyrics, can't be advocating sexually irresponsible behavior, right? Right?

I guess any woman who caught an STD from their downlow boyfriend should just get over it and grow up.  Never mind the thinly-veiled race baiting using the word "boo"and bringing up men in prison in her other idiotic tweets.  

There's nothing wrong with being gay (Jerry Seinfeld told us that), but there is something wrong with engaging in sexually risky behavior, like picking up prostitutes and having them blow you while listening to unmastered Biggie records, like Mister Cee does every Friday.  A pseudo-intelligent woman like dream should be much more thoughtful.

But I digress.  Zombie Hot 97's fate as a radio station was long decided before Cee rolled down his window for on that fateful evening for the second time.  They're already behind Power 105.1 in any time slot that matters.  The music sucks (that's all terrestrial radio, tbh), and now the driving force behind the sometimes excellent Throwback at Noon is suspended.  Sad.

Instead of truly offering that old freak some actual help, Ebro and Hot 97 tried to exploit an unfortunate (but hilarious) situation for a day's worth of ratings and cheap publicity.  It was like Mediatakeout without the random explanation points.  

Who shot ya?!

*The twitter intellectual can be found retweeting links of obscure news stories and even more obscure song lyrics.  They often use proper punctuation as a means of displaying their superiority complex.  And they almost all speak in a "I'm too good to put any emotion in my voice" monotone. Fuck off if you are one of these people.

I'm not particularly sure what the idea behind this is, but I must admit it's attention-grabbing.  The animated llamas are an excellent touch, but I'm confused as to why a dog, a goat, and a horse are also included on the cover.  They are, obviously, neither a nigga nor a llama.  Although, according to Russell Peters, anything and anyone can be a nigga.  And I'm not sure I disagree.

I guess one would have to listen to find the correlation between a nigga and a llama, and I am not about to undertake such an involved task.  Listen for yourself.

Jay Electronica is an enigma.  Jay Electronica hardly ever raps, but when he does it is fantastic.  Jay Electronica is often a Five-Percenter but when he isn't, he (allegedly) bones a billionaire heiress from an (alleged) Illuminati-belonging family.  Jay Electronica always says he is from New Orleans, but when he gives interviews he sounds like he is from Bed-Stuy.  Jay Electronica is the most interesting man in the world. 

Jay reminded us why he was the most interesting man in the world on Christmas, when he decided to log on to his seldom-used Twitter account and let the world know his current favorite and not-so-favorite rappers (he's definitely not a 50 Cent fan).  The tweets have since been deleted (he's an enigma, not an idiot), but the good folks at Pigeons and Planes caught them before they were erased forever. There are plenty more where these came from.  Head over to Pigeons and Planes for more.

We all are aware of the status of Max Bigavell a.k.a. Wavey Crockett (locked up, obviously), so when a new interview hits the internet streets, it's typically something to look forward to.  Not this time.

The interviewer, Frank Nino of TrapTV (obviously, one would be required to have a mobster name like "Frank Nino" to be apart of such a site) asks the dumbest questions, and, at the risk of sounding like Ralph Tresvant, is pretty damn insensitive.  

Here's a verbatim question from the esteemed "host":

Frank Nino: "Now before you went in, did you record a whole lot of music, that's like, unreleased yet, and you gonna release in the near future?  Or are you gonna record, like, from the cell?  How does that work?"

Really?  You're talking about the same guy who has a song called "Tattoos On Her Ass" (which actually has two parts), of course he recorded a bunch of music before he went to prison.  Whatever happened to asking the tough questions, like what prison gang have you joined?  Or have you been forced to use the "Quart Of Blood" technique to defend your manhood?  Amateur.

Thankfully, Max B sidesteps Frank Nino's silly questions (he also asked what he thought about 50 Cent's and French Montana's beef), and keeps the focus on actual relevant issues, such as getting the f*ck out of prison.

Pardon the wave.