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Mister Cee Creeps And dream hampton Tweets: The Death of Hot 97

2013-05-07T02:53:51Z

Let's not be mistaken; Hot 97 died a long time ago. Long before "The Finisher" (Mutley laugh) Mister Cee got busted for soliciting gentlemen of the evening, long before the Funkflex Hulk Hogan rant, Hot 97 was a zombie shell of itself. Monday morning's Black People Twitter fodder was just the proverbial head shot. Pun intended.

As we all know, Mister Cee was hooked and booked in Brooklyn last Friday for chasing booty (also known as a man's butt). Due to the Floyd Mayweather fight, Cinco de Mayo, and whatever else Black People Twitter cares about on weekends, this went, for the most part, unnoticed. Cee seemed like he was getting off easy (||). Sure, he would be Donkey of the Day on Power 105.1's overrated morning show The Breakfast Club come Monday, but that's nothing new. He would, once again, live to do another throwback mix at noon.

Except he wouldn't.

For some reason, one of Mister Cee's handlers thought it would be a good idea for the DJ to go on Hot 97's pretty awful morning show The _______ show (I actually have no idea what they call it, tbh), and do a half-hour long interview about why he likes having sex with male (?) prostitutes. What ensued was a shit show, filled with some guy named "EBro" prying at Mister Cee's sexuality, Mister Cee using unintentional pause-worthy phrases, some random woman talking, and Brooklyn tranny prostitute hot spots. Yes, it was as bad as it sounds.

Under the guise of an intervention, it was painfully obvious that "Ebro", who is the program director for Hot 97 (lol), was gunning for a Jason Collins type confession from Mister Cee. Ebro kept calling him "fam" and "my g" (does this look like a guy who really talks like that?) whilst setting up Cee for the "come on, just say you're gay and bring us ratings" field goal kick, only for Cee to miss the ball over and over again. Cringe worthy.

Black People Twitter, perhaps unexpectedly since it was so early in the morning, erupted. Never one to miss out on a troll mission, Twitter intellectual* dream hampton decided to throw in her 140 characters. "hey hetero ladies," dream wrote in her trademarked lower case letters, "many of your boos have engaged in same sex sex acts. get over it. grow up." Boos? Same sex sex acts? Huh?

Now, I'm no hip-hop genius like Phonte from Little Brother (just kidding), but the same dream hampton who has been pounding the twitter streets (fingers must be sore from the arduous task) demanding justice for Rick Ross's rape-rape lyrics, can't be advocating sexually irresponsible behavior, right? Right?

I guess any woman who caught an STD from their downlow boyfriend should just get over it and grow up. Never mind the thinly-veiled race baiting using the word "boo"and bringing up men in prison in her other idiotic tweets.

There's nothing wrong with being gay (Jerry Seinfeld told us that), but there is something wrong with engaging in sexually risky behavior, like picking up prostitutes and having them blow you while listening to unmastered Biggie records, like Mister Cee does every Friday. A pseudo-intelligent woman like dream should be much more thoughtful.

But I digress. Zombie Hot 97's fate as a radio station was long decided before Cee rolled down his window for on that fateful evening for the second time. They're already behind Power 105.1 in any time slot that matters. The music sucks (that's all terrestrial radio, tbh), and now the driving force behind the sometimes excellent Throwback at Noon is suspended. Sad.

Instead of truly offering that old freak some actual help, Ebro and Hot 97 tried to exploit an unfortunate (but hilarious) situation for a day's worth of ratings and cheap publicity. It was like Mediatakeout without the random explanation points.

Who shot ya?!

*The twitter intellectual can be found retweeting links of obscure news stories and even more obscure song lyrics. They often use proper punctuation as a means of displaying their superiority complex. And they almost all speak in a "I'm too good to put any emotion in my voice" monotone. Fuck off if you are one of these people.

#CrappyCoverOfTheDay - Napoleon Dynamite's Favorite Rapper

2013-01-28T04:17:35Z

I'm not particularly sure what the idea behind this is, but I must admit it's attention-grabbing. The animated llamas are an excellent touch, but I'm confused as to why a dog, a goat, and a horse are also included on the cover. They are, obviously, neither a nigga nor a llama. Although, according to Russell Peters, anything and anyone can be a nigga. And I'm not sure I disagree.

I guess one would have to listen to find the correlation between a nigga and a llama, and I am not about to undertake such an involved task. Listen for yourself.

Crappy Tweets: Jay Electronica, Vol. 1

2012-12-28T03:49:00Z

Jay Electronica is an enigma. Jay Electronica hardly ever raps, but when he does it is fantastic. Jay Electronica is often a Five-Percenter but when he isn't, he (allegedly) bones a billionaire heiress from an (alleged) Illuminati-belonging family. Jay Electronica always says he is from New Orleans, but when he gives interviews he sounds like he is from Bed-Stuy. Jay Electronica is the most interesting man in the world.

Jay reminded us why he was the most interesting man in the world on Christmas, when he decided to log on to his seldom-used Twitter account and let the world know his current favorite and not-so-favorite rappers (he's definitely not a 50 Cent fan). The tweets have since been deleted (he's an enigma, not an idiot), but the good folks at Pigeons and Planes caught them before they were erased forever. There are plenty more where these came from. Head over to Pigeons and Planes for more.

Crappy Interviews: "TrapTV" Talks to Max B, From Prison

2012-12-12T03:05:38Z

We all are aware of the status of Max Bigavell a.k.a. Wavey Crockett (locked up, obviously), so when a new interview hits the internet streets, it's typically something to look forward to. Not this time.

The interviewer, Frank Nino of TrapTV (obviously, one would be required to have a mobster name like "Frank Nino" to be apart of such a site) asks the dumbest questions, and, at the risk of sounding like Ralph Tresvant, is pretty damn insensitive.

Here's a verbatim question from the esteemed "host":

Frank Nino: "Now before you went in, did you record a whole lot of music, that's like, unreleased yet, and you gonna release in the near future? Or are you gonna record, like, from the cell? How does that work?"

Really? You're talking about the same guy who has a song called "Tattoos On Her Ass" (which actually has two parts), of course he recorded a bunch of music before he went to prison. Whatever happened to asking the tough questions, like what prison gang have you joined? Or have you been forced to use the "Quart Of Blood" technique to defend your manhood? Amateur.

Thankfully, Max B sidesteps Frank Nino's silly questions (he also asked what he thought about 50 Cent's and French Montana's beef), and keeps the focus on actual relevant issues, such as getting the f*ck out of prison.

Pardon the wave.

Kentucky's Last Hope? Kentucky's Last Hope.

2012-11-29T03:59:58Z

I didn't know they had more than one rapper in Kentucky, but there obviously must be, if Stashius Clay is the last hope. I shudder to think at the previous rappers who tried and failed to make it out of Kentucky. It must be pretty difficult to make it out of a state where horses are more popular than people.

To be honest, I was expecting the music to be on par with the cover, but it is surprisingly decent okay.

Good luck, Stashius. You're going to need it.

#CrappyCoverOfTheDay - Soulja Boy's Playhouse.

2012-11-08T00:02:48Z

You'd figure someone with enough money for an arcade game, Xbox 360, AND Radio Raheem boombox would have a copy of Photoshop lying around. That cover looks like one of my infamous MS paint jobs.

This Is For Our President, When He Wins.

2012-11-07T02:25:46Z

This is an oldie, but goodie. We stumbled upon Pete Strolley one day, and let's just say he was a gift that kept on giving. If we had a Hall of Fame here on Crappy Rappers, he would be first ballot. Seeing as we are in the middle of our Presidential Election, why not bring it back?

I can't get enough of this guy...and he can't get enough of being a persistent and consistent crapper...This time he's got an even bigger purpose...He's already made you smile...there's only one other thing he can do...make his whole fucking family tree recite his crappy ode to none other than our big homie of America....Barack Obama...I'm going to let this video speak for itself...I do want to shout out my girl Martha Luther King....soon you'll understand (c) Shawn

Uncle Pete (feat. The Strolley Family Reunion) - OBAMA

The Lil' Reese Problem.

2012-10-26T02:48:14Z

By now, we've all seen the video of Chicago rapper Lil' Reese beating the living hell out of some woman (girl?) in a rundown apartment. We've heard the Mortal Kombat jokes. We've seen ESPN's Chris Palmer accept Lil' Reese's challenge to fisticuffs (since deleted, but definitely a fantastic tweet, btw). Now, let's get into some real shit.

Lil' Reese has a problem. Not a domestic abuse problem. Or a gang banging problem. Lil' Reese has a confidence problem. Lil' Reese suffers from Low Rapper Self-Esteem, or LRSE for short. LRSE typically stems from two issues; lack of talent or lack of street credibility. In Lil' Reese's case, it's both.

It didn't take long to diagnose Reese. We know he can't rap. (Chief Keef is a better rapper, and Chief Keef is arguably one of the worst rappers of all time. OF ALL TIME.) The woman-beating video is a clear example of a lack of respect by his peers. It becomes apparent early in the video that the girl involved has no fear of Lil' Reese or his gangster persona, trolling him to his face even after he shows her a gun ("they ain't stop making guns when they made yours!"). It is at this very moment that Reese's LRSE takes over.

Reese was sweating bullets. He tried acting tough, like Eddie Murphy explained in Raw, but it only made things worse. So, he lashed out. He went apeshit. And people cheered. LRSE problem solved. For the moment.

The issue with LRSE is that it never goes away. Rappers with high self-estem and lyrical ability don't have to worry about random women getting in their face, because women want to have sex with them. Take Nas, for instance. Not a very intimidating guy, but a very talented rapper. He hasn't had to put a shoe on a woman, at least in public, because women like him.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have Gucci Mane. Pretty awful rapper, but strong street cred because he's killed a person and sold a lot of drugs. And will do it again. Do you think women are jumping at the bit to get into an argument with Gucci Mane? I doubt it. The only thing Reese has in common with these Nas and Gucci is that he has tattoos. He doesn't have any ice, though.

So, what does a rapper do when he lacks the talent or toughness for respect? He overcompensates by joining a gang, getting an insane amount of bad tattoos, carrying a gun, and taping his exploits with women as often as he can. If that doesn't work, he goes to plan B, which is is to look for a seemingly weaker opponent and beat the shit out of them on camera. Rinse and repeat.

To his credit, Reese isn't the only one. Chopper, receiver of one of the most epic internet trollings in history, is also afflicted by this condition. So is Soulja Boy. All are really bad rappers with awful tattoos and supposed gang affiliations. I'd like to think I have a point here.

Lil' Reese will always be tried in the "skreets." He's now had major beef which resulted in the death of his rival, Lil' JoJo. He's beaten up a woman. He's held guns in videos. And yet and still he's viewed as a sucker by everyone from ESPN writers to unknown rappers and radio-program managers.

At this point, Reese may have to kill himself to gain any real respect. It's kind of sad, to be honest.

Good luck, Lil' Reese. You're going to need it out there.

If A Song Is Stolen On The Internet, And No One Is Around To Hear It, Does It Make a Sound?

2012-10-16T02:00:30Z

Thievery and plagiarism are normal occurences on the internet. We at Crappy Rappers have come to accept this, as we've seen our material "borrowed" from just about every type of person in the hip-hop industry. But that's neither here nor there. This is about Steven Jo.

Who is Steven Jo, you ask? From my limited (seriously, about 2 mins.) research, he's a YouTube personality who became famous for his dad beating him up, kind of like Bam Margera, except the opposite as Bam Margera used to beat the shit out of his dad, and Steven Jo is black and has Chief Keef braids. Man that is a long-ass sentence. Moving on...

Apparently Steven Jo decided to try his hand at rapping. I guess he figured he already has the street credibility for getting beat up on camera, albeit by his own father, so why not start kicking some dope(y) rhymes? It worked for Lil' B, right?

He puts out this song called "Hella Bandz", which, at first, I figured must have been about Silly Bandz because Steven Jo wrote it. Alas, I was wrong, the song was in fact about bands of money. Cool. Anyway, Steven put out a WorldStar video the other day about how this kid rapper, Lil' Mouse, completely stole his song and idea.

I don't know which song came first, because I obviously don't have time to listen to such garbage, even though I run a rap site about bad rap music, however, I have to side with Lil' Mouse here. Let's say he did steal the song. He's "only" 13 (in hip-hop years, probably about 22 irl), he's supposed to do shit like that. If the song blows up, he's the next Bow Wow. If it doesn't, then he can say he stole off some dummy who got beat up on YouTube by his dad.

Now if this is some type of coincidence, then it just goes as more evidence that Steven Jo just might be "off" since he had the same idea as a 13-year old. Either way, it's not a good look, as the cool kids say.

This is all probably a "mute" point (s/o Byron Crawford), because no one outside of both parties' immediate families have heard either of these songs, but someone had to do a post on this bullshit, right?

#CrappyCoverOfTheDay - If You Want To Keep Working Here...

2012-09-04T11:43:43Z

Gucci, stay off the damn drugs.